Ugh, I just got back from karate and I'm feeling down and like crap now. It's like ya, there are so many couples in my karate class. Or just flippin all over the campus. I walk into my lobby and I feel so uncomfortable, I just want to run to my room and bury my head in my pillow and scream and cry. I want to beat the wall until my fists are freakin bloody cause it just rips me to pieces. And it's a battle that Satan wants to win. I know I have to give this up to God, cause He's got a guy for me waiting, but dern, it's hard. I am feeling alone everyday while I see my friends relationships growing. I want someone and I feel empty. The hardest part is always waiting, waiting for that one special man to come along and sweep me off my feet.
I walk around school and I try to picture myself with the guy that I like at the time. I know that I shouldn't but it's like I want to feel that love, that fulfillment, someone to freakin ask me how my day was, hug me, and spend time together learning about each other and growing in God. But ya, I feel like it's never going to happen. It will if I'm patient, LoL :D
The one guy that knows that I use to like him here doesn't want anything to do with me. And I value his friendship above anything besides God. I don't want to ruin it by showing any feelings, but it freakin hurts to keep it up but I don't care. I want that friendship. I see him differently now, this semester, cause he's beginning to open up and laugh and joke and be dorky. He's happy and that makes me happy. I get this chance to be his friend and see the whole him.... arrg, I'm gonna rip my hair out................ and then there's this other guy that I caught my interest a bit ago, but that's never going to happen cause he's top notch and I'm most likely NOT his type. But he's the sweetest person and I can see God shining in him... soooo ya, I'm going bonkers. And Satan's laughing at me for it.
I'm just going to give it up to God, or try to. Cause if I don't I'm going to go bonkers.
God help me.
Peace out
~ Ashley ~
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What's up? Guys suck right? Except me. I'm awesome. You should just fall for me. It'd be good. lol Don't worry. Things get better sooner or later. "Have faith" as they say.
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